Thursday Giveaway: Adventures in Churchland by Dan Kimball

by Andrew Rogers

Dan Kimball, organized religion, rockabillyThe Thursday giveaway is back! We’ve been on blogging hiatus for a few weeks, but as the summer begins to draw to a close (I know, I’ve said that too soon) we’ll be back in the giveaway mode every Thursday.

Today I’d like to giveaway two copies of Dan Kimball’s new book, Adventures in Churchland: Finding Jesus in the Mess of Organized Religion.  I think Mark Batterson described this book best when he said:

“If you don’t like the church, or if you’re thinking about leaving, please read this book first. Dan’s stories will make you laugh, make you think, and make you appreciate the church like never before.”

If you find that the road you travel in ministry keeps taking you into situations in which you have to argue for the goodness and purpose of the church I hope you’ll read this book. Dan will help you think through common objections to church, and in a humorous way, he’ll give you some fresh ideas on how to talk about it with others.

If you yourself are ready to throw in the church towel. Or if you know someone who is I hope you’ll check out this book. Dan was an unlikely convert and his “adventures in churchland” so clearly reveal that despite the messiness of the church, and despite all the messy people in it, God still wants the church and together we serve those around us as he desires. It’s a funny, hopeful book.

For a chance to win a free copy tell us about one of your funny adventures in churchland. Tell us something humorous that only happens to people who go to church. Did someone sit in “your” pew one Sunday and send Grandma into a hissy fit? Did you ever lead the congregation in prayer only to learn later that your fly is down? Have you ever accidentally dumped the communion wafers all over the people in front of you?

No rants please. [We could all probably go on a rant about church at one time or another, but let's keep this post on the positive side.] Two winners will be chosen randomly tomorrow.

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52 Responses to “Thursday Giveaway: Adventures in Churchland by Dan Kimball”

  1. We were new to the community and decided to try one of the churches near our home. On our first Sunday there, the pastor greeted us after the service invited us to stay for an after-church pot-luck. When we went to the fellowship hall we were turned away at the door by a lady who ever-so-politely informed us: “If you didn’t bring any food with you, you can’t come in.” A few years later, I was called to serve as an associate pastor there and worked hard to change that unspoken policy.

  2. How about in talking about faith and trust, one stands on a chair to physically draw out the point, but the chair topples over, sending the person flying, double-crossing the point being made?

  3. Our pastor called our slightly rotund organ player “hoggy” from the platform. Never heard the end of it

  4. I’m associate/ youth pastor at a small church in East Texas. I was preaching one Sunday for our vacationing pastor. At the end of the service as everyone was walking by giving the old “good sermon” and a handshake, one of our dear older ladies came up to me and said ” I believe you’ll make a good pastor someday young man”. Keep in mind I’m 44. My wife and I still get a good laugh from that.

  5. While playing guitar during a service i broke a string once and asked a couple of people over the microphone if they had an extra “G” string. As I saw some of the wide eyed expressions on peoples faces I realized the double entendre and turned quite red I was told.

  6. As our church’s youth and associate pastor, I preach when the senior minister is gone but most times I’m with the youth. Communion devotions are often those times when I can share my heart with the whole congregation in a different way. So the parents of a student got me a waterproof Bible and for one CD I talked on 2 Cor. 5:17-6:2 and used a clear tub of water to symbolize our lives. With dirt, sand, and grass being poured in, I described how we pollute our lives with sin. But the Word of God comes and deals with us there, takes the punishment we deserve, and gives us His righteousness in return. I dropped the waterproof Bible into the muck and thought our first service, “seasoned” believers were going to have a communal heart attack! I’m thinking I’ll do it this year too but throw it behind me into that baptistry! haha

    • That’s awesome! If you do that be sure to have someone filming so you can capture their responses. It sounds like a video ripe for YouTube: “Pastor chucks Bible into the Baptistry…”

  7. I was about to start preaching one Sunday and our pulpit was on this platform which was raised about 3 feet from the ground, and for one of the main points I was trying to make about “equality in the community,” I decided I didn’t want to be on the platform, but on the same level as everyone else.

    So I grabbed a music stand and announced, “Today, I’m going to come down to your level.” I reached floor and it struck me that I had just potentially insulted every person in the room. The only thing I could say was, “Wow, that sounded way better in my head.”

  8. Entertaining a packed church on Easter morning, the fairly still pastor asked me to share my story of how, at mid-life, I came to belief in Christ and then became an Elder in the church. As I unfolded the tale I related the time I promised by late wife I would find her “the best damn church on Bainbridge Island.” By the surprise on many of the faces in front of me I was pretty sure “damn” is not often used in that context in church. Afterwords a few guest who were new to church gathered to give me a few high-fives and back slaps.

  9. Eons ago in a Southern Baptist Church we joked about getting out of church by 11:45am so we could bet the Methodist to the best tables at our favorite restaurant.

  10. I was a part time children’s minister. I live and was working in Louisville, Ky. I was doing a children’s sermon and was playing a game that involved movement and coming down the aisles. I had got the idea from a coworker who had done a similar game at my other job and the game was inspired by the upcoming Kentucky Derby. The two dice were rolled and one dice told which “horse” moved and the other dice told how many steps the “horse” should move. I liked doing active children sermons so I did this game with a lesson. During the children’s sermon I rolled the two dice on the communion table. I did not think anything was wrong doing this but when I came to next staff meeting, I learned that I had offended enough people by rolling the dice on the communion table that I would need to make a public apology. So on the next gathering, I stood before the congregation and apologize for offending anyone. By the way, the kids enjoyed the children’s sermon.

  11. The very first conversation I had with Dan Kimball was in the restroom, of all places. I was already postured at the urinal when Dan walked in. He proceeded to tell me how much he appreciated the wooden dividers placed in between each urinal. He then told me a story of when he saw a band at the Rio theater, in Santa Cruz, and he was using a urinal without dividers. He soon noticed a splashing on his hand and the splash was not coming from him. “That is why I would like to thank who ever invented these dividers” he said. At some point within the next six months Dan ended up telling the same story during on of his messages at Graceland. After hearing him tell the story over again in front of the whole congregation I will never forget it.

    When ever I come across people who are new to Vintage or have just discovered Dan’s teaching I often tell them that story. Just another Adventure in Dannyland :)

  12. At my first church that I pastored, we had a couple of Hispanic families join us for one of our evening worship services! Each family had several smaller children with them. During my message that evening, one of the little Hispanic boys decided he wanted up on the stage with me. For over half of the message I preached with him latched around my foot, hanging on for dear life as I walked on the stage! It was hilarious!

    That provided an incredible open door for us through that family to begin a Hispanic Bible Study in their home, which led to 3 additional families accepting Christ!

  13. I am a youth pastor in an urban community. One day another church was using our worship center during my youth time. I posted two of my older kids on the lawn near the dorrs to keep the younger kids from running inside and interrupting the meeting. A member of the other church came up to me and identified himself as police officer. He asked if I would like him to have the “thugs” out front removed from the premises. I said “thank you, but no, those are my thugs!”

  14. After years in youth ministry, we took our first senior pastorate. It was pastor appreciation day, we hadn’t been there long and we weren’t sure what to expect. Before service we saw two ladies run out and search through a cabinet, grab a handful of really old plastic pink flowers and shake the dust off them. During the service the elders unveiled a gigantic framed picture of the beloved former pastor that they were going to display prominently in the lobby. Then they gave my wife the handful of plastic flowers and they gave me quite possibly the ugliest Hawaiian shirt ever made, which was 4 sizes too small. I’m pretty sure it was made for a toddler. I really didn’t feel the love. We are now back in youth ministry.

  15. on a tour with our college singing group, one night the pastor who travelled with the group was preaching and was trying to make a point about the living nature of the Body of Christ………….but what he said was, “the church is one giant orgasm” causing some eyebrows to spring off the heads of the local church leaders!

  16. helping out a pastor at the local methodist church in GA, the morning back stage was hectic and not well planned, the pastor fired off some quick instructions which i thought I heard. While leading in the prayer time, I announced that we have been asked to pray for the family of ‘mrs. smith’ who had passed away, when someone ran up and said ‘no she is still alive and on the front row, her sister died!’

  17. my friend Ron while a young pastor was doing a funeral around the grave site. they had set up a podium on some green turf and all the people sat under a tent right infront of the grave and Ron. Ron, and I am not kidding, stepped back and fell into the grave. he jumped out and kept going. I wish this was on tape.

  18. Our church thought it was hilarious the week I launched into the wrong chapter for the Bible reading.
    Couldn’t understand why they all looked so confused.
    Had to stop, aplogise and get it right.
    Been nervous about that ever since.

  19. I’ve got two: My church did a Jews for Jesus Passover meal when I was twelve. I volunteered to eat the bitter herb and nearly threw up on the guy. Little did I know they taped the Passover Meal. Fast forward 10 years and my Messianic Jews roommate says, “Hey Dan, listen to his tape I have of a Passover being recorded. It’s hilarious, this kid nearly throws up….
    Second: I was giving the announcements at my church after a long sermon/presentation. I start with, “I know you’re all as bored as I am but please give me your attention for a few short announcements…” I never gave announcements again.

  20. My little sisters and I would always beg the elder board to let us drink the left over communion juice, until one day the pastor caught us one of the times we didn’t ask haha.

  21. As a green seminary graduate, heck the ink on my MDIV was still wet! My first Sunday I preached the two worship services, took home the goodies presented to me from the congregation and packed up heading off to the youth mission trip which was about 6 hours away. As I arrived in the twlight of the evening at the camp grounds I suddenly realized I had not a clue what the leaders of the group looked like nor any of the youth. They had left at 0500 in the morning ahead of me. It took all the confidence I could muster to go from group to group asking if they were my church group, finally on the forth try i found them and introdued myself to them as their new Associate Pastor. The group couldn’t of been more hospitable or accepting of me, one leader had already set up a tent for me and as I crawled into bed that first night of ministry thinking that I missed my seminiary friends and my family I prayed, wondering what the next twenty years would be like and what places God would lead me. Now in my 15th year of full-time ordained ministry, I can say that God has challenged me and yet has shown me that hope is just a bent knee and prayer away.

  22. We share a building with a Seventh Day Adventist Church. We use the building on Sunday. They have large signs that say, “No Food or Drink in Sanctuary.” This OBVIOUSLY doesn’t apply to communion. I play bass for the church and was playing as the elements were being passed around. I didn’t have a free hand so the usher set my juice cup down out of the way next to the drum set. The worship pastor changed something in the middle of the set and I had to relay it to the drummer. I definitely kicked to the juice over on my way to the drummer. As it is grape juice and stains easily, I sat out the rest of the set with paper towels and water trying to get the spot up from the carpet.

  23. I have not read the book, “Adventures in Chruchland.” BUT I have left the organized church. It’s been almost 2 1/2 years now. As someone who was a great advocate of church attendance, I now perfer to gather in fellowship with believers as the Spirit of God leads. These are usually random encounters with other brothers and sisters in the Lord. Either at someones home, over the phone, at prayer gatherings or the local food and clothing outreach. I have unlimited opportunities to demonstrate the love of God in my neighborhood. I manage a small apartment building in Seattle, WA. Two weeks ago, I comunicated the Gospel of Jesus Christ to a single dad in my building. Over a period of three days we met togather and shared. I taught him from the scriptures and today he is trusting Jesus Christ finished work on the cross to save him. The great thing is, I did not tell him to close his eyes so I could lead him in a prayer to accept Jesus. He was not lured into a building as a result of a special event or an attractive sermon series. He simply understood and believed the Gospel of his salvation and what it means to trust in Jesus Christ. All my Christian life I have always been told, “do not forsake assembling together;” I became so wrapped up in the four wall of the building and the programs that I disobeyed God in forsaking the unbelieving world dying around me. My biggest frusration with Christians today is that their whole life is focused on the building and programs. They treat me as if there’s something wrong with me because I do not have a passion for the building like I once did. Funny as it might sould, I have more of a passion for God since I left the building. Anyway, thanks for allowing me to share. Blessings to you and the believers in Jesus who read this.

    • Gary,
      Thanks so much for sharing. I’m thrilled to hear about your ministry to the guy in the apartment complex. That’s awesome! Praise God for that! I hope you give this book a try, regardless of your experience with organized religion. One of the strengths of this book is that it will help you see through the “mess” of the church to see Jesus.
      Thanks again for sharing. It was encouraging for me to read.
      Best,
      Andrew

  24. Grew up in a Quaker church where things rarely got exciting!! However, one night at our Christmas Eve midnight service my mom stood up too soon, and her blood pressure dropped. Needless to say she fainted. People were fanning her, the nurse of the congregation raised her feet after we laid her in a pew – they all knew she had a history of fainting. But we had some guests there…

    The token Methodist in the group stood up and started shouting, “HALLELUJAH! She’s been slain in the Spirit! Yes, Lord, THANK YOU!!!”

    The Quakers think he’s crazy, the Methodist thinks my mom is crazy spiritual, and by the time we get to “Happy Birthday Jesus” it was by far the liveliest service we’d ever had!!

  25. Really enjoyed reading these stories! Jeff – I had totally forgotten about that Rio Theater incident! But oh so true!

  26. Gary – I totally understand your feelings and experience. I went through a disillusioned time period where I felt the emphasis on “church” was all about Sundays, the building and being at the program that happened on Sunday. I know there are churches who do exist with that emphasis – but I also know there are many who do teach and live out that you don’t “go to church” but are the church every day. The church however should meet, but that is when the church gathers together – that meeting or the building doesn’t equate as “church” as the people are the church not the building or place. I do strongly believe that Scriptures teach we aren’t to exist alone in our walks with Jesus, but we do need a local church to be experiencing the life of being a follower of Jesus as He intended us to (whether a house church or mega-church). Which means we do meet regularly, have appointed leaders (you read the importance of this in the letters Paul wrote to Titus and Timothy) etc.

    I do understand though what you are saying, as I know coming out of a non-biblical context of church that is difficult to even think about being part of something formal again. But I do believe it is true that the Scriptures teach that all followers of Jesus need a local church (again, whether a house church or megachurch, size isn’t important of this, it is that we are part of a ongoing meeting community).

    I wrote “Adventures In Churchland” for this precise reason really, as I believe organized church is a good thing and very powerful if we are organized around the right things that Jesus would want us to be. Not the building (although we may meet in one) just as a family meets in a home for dinner. The family isn’t the house, it is the family but it meets in a house so that is needed for function – but it doesn’t define the family. That is what I think church should be. Sadly, we can organize around programs, pastors, preaching over the actual mission all these things are supposed to support. If you ever want to further communicate please let me know. And if you want a copy of the book to read, let me know I’ll send you one personally as I address the very things you are expressing and I think I understand where you are coming from. Thanks for sharing here! And wonderful story about you sharing about Jesus with that dad in your building! What a wonderful thing to hear and so cool you are on mission like that!

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